Daylight Savings Time,
Messing with my sleep. Only
God should change the clocks.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Reluctant Prayer
Did you ever have the distinct impression that God wanted you to pray for something or someone that you didn't want to pray for? Maybe it's someone that you really don't like, but you happen to find out that they're in a particularly bad way, and you sense that clear burden to pray for them. Or maybe it's that an opportunity to do something presents itself, something that you really don't want to do, but get the feeling that God has planned that exact thing for your next move. This is the position in which I find myself.
It's a real conundrum. Consider the first situation. If you have someone you intensely dislike or maybe even harbor some righteous anger toward, and yet find out that they need help or guidance, what are your options? As a Christian, I'm commanded to pray for my enemies, so my choices are basically three. For one, I can choose to be utterly and obviously wrong, of course. The other choices are to either pray for the welfare and betterment of this person whom I consider to be an enemy, or to quit thinking of them as an enemy and start calling them, what, friend?
On the other hand, let's assume that I do pray for this enemy, or pray for this opportunity that God knows I don't want but pray for out of a desire to submit to his will. Isn't that just an empty prayer? That is to say, if I'm praying for something I don't really want either way, is that somehow pleasing to God in its obedience? Or is it displeasing in it's superficiality?
I'll let you know when I work it all out.
It's a real conundrum. Consider the first situation. If you have someone you intensely dislike or maybe even harbor some righteous anger toward, and yet find out that they need help or guidance, what are your options? As a Christian, I'm commanded to pray for my enemies, so my choices are basically three. For one, I can choose to be utterly and obviously wrong, of course. The other choices are to either pray for the welfare and betterment of this person whom I consider to be an enemy, or to quit thinking of them as an enemy and start calling them, what, friend?
On the other hand, let's assume that I do pray for this enemy, or pray for this opportunity that God knows I don't want but pray for out of a desire to submit to his will. Isn't that just an empty prayer? That is to say, if I'm praying for something I don't really want either way, is that somehow pleasing to God in its obedience? Or is it displeasing in it's superficiality?
I'll let you know when I work it all out.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Pressure Cooker Kids
There seems to be a law of balance at work in the minds of kids after divorce. They seem to want things to be equal on both sides, no matter what the issue is. If one parent gets a house, they want the other to get a house. If one gets a dog, the other has to get a dog. I'm not sure why this is, but I think it has something to do with a general concern for both parents that causes them fear that one will be left behind. Or maybe they just like to make the most uncomfortable comments at the worst possible times. It just might be that, too.
So in my case it happens to be a pretty big issue, in that their mother is getting married very soon. This makes my daughter very concerned for my own love life. I'm pretty sure she speaks for her brother, but I don't know how often they talk about it. All I know is that on a regular basis, I get grilled with the most personal questions. When are you getting married? (Almost all questions have the emphasis on you.) Who are you going to marry? What are you doing about getting married? Why aren't you getting married now? These questions are sometimes accompanied by the more unintentionally abusive questions. Why don't you have a girlfriend? Do you need any help? Have you tried online dating? Did you know my teacher is single?
I'm having a hard time convincing her that I'm not in a rush to get married or get involved with someone. She doesn't seem to accept the fact that I'm working on the matter in ways that she won't see or know about until the right time comes, or that I'm actually enjoying dating right now, for the first time in fifteen years, and maybe for the first time in my life. I'm not even sure that she believes that I go on dates when she's not around. Somehow she's got it in her head that this is the kind of thing that happens overnight, perhaps because every Parent Trappish Disney/Nickelodeon movie always builds up to the moment the man and woman lock eyes or kiss, and then cuts to the wedding scene with the precocious little star as the flower girl. I think what I'll do is bring some strange woman home with some suitcases and tell them, "Meet your new step-mom!"
Yeah, that'll show her.
So in my case it happens to be a pretty big issue, in that their mother is getting married very soon. This makes my daughter very concerned for my own love life. I'm pretty sure she speaks for her brother, but I don't know how often they talk about it. All I know is that on a regular basis, I get grilled with the most personal questions. When are you getting married? (Almost all questions have the emphasis on you.) Who are you going to marry? What are you doing about getting married? Why aren't you getting married now? These questions are sometimes accompanied by the more unintentionally abusive questions. Why don't you have a girlfriend? Do you need any help? Have you tried online dating? Did you know my teacher is single?
I'm having a hard time convincing her that I'm not in a rush to get married or get involved with someone. She doesn't seem to accept the fact that I'm working on the matter in ways that she won't see or know about until the right time comes, or that I'm actually enjoying dating right now, for the first time in fifteen years, and maybe for the first time in my life. I'm not even sure that she believes that I go on dates when she's not around. Somehow she's got it in her head that this is the kind of thing that happens overnight, perhaps because every Parent Trappish Disney/Nickelodeon movie always builds up to the moment the man and woman lock eyes or kiss, and then cuts to the wedding scene with the precocious little star as the flower girl. I think what I'll do is bring some strange woman home with some suitcases and tell them, "Meet your new step-mom!"
Yeah, that'll show her.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Fake Guy Cry
My friend has been planning a surprise for his wife's birthday for a while now. They moved away from home over a year ago, for school, and the homesickness has been wearing on both of them. The surprise was to fly in her mother and sister to be there on her birthday and spend the weekend. Now, his wife is a young one, but sly, and particularly hard to fool. She started to suspect, and in a moment of either raw weakness or cunning guile, she asks him, through tears, if he's sure that her birthday present isn't her sister coming to visit. Like the kind and caring husband he's pretending to be, he pulls her in close and whispers "I wish it were." He soothes her, and then to seal it, he begins to fake cry himself. Apparently she's satisfied.
But I'm not. Here's the problem, and this goes out to not only my friend, but all the young husbands out there. The fake cry is a last resort technique, not one to be wasted on a mere surprise party. God willing, you've got another forty or fifty years of bliss with your bride, and some day, you're going to wish you had that fake cry back. You only get to use it once - maybe twice - in all your years together, so save it for that clutch moment when you can maximize its effectiveness. It's like the flea flicker in football, or the flush draw bluff in poker. Once she knows you are capable of the fake cry, she'll never forget it, and it's never going to work again. What about when you lose a few thousand dollars in the market? Or the casino, for that matter? What about when you forget a birthday or anniversary? Young men, I implore you not to use the fake cry frivolously. Beware its power and its ephemeral nature. Give the fake cry the respect it deserves and reserve it for those times when destiny forces you down the path of destruction and your only recourse is a salty charade.
But I'm not. Here's the problem, and this goes out to not only my friend, but all the young husbands out there. The fake cry is a last resort technique, not one to be wasted on a mere surprise party. God willing, you've got another forty or fifty years of bliss with your bride, and some day, you're going to wish you had that fake cry back. You only get to use it once - maybe twice - in all your years together, so save it for that clutch moment when you can maximize its effectiveness. It's like the flea flicker in football, or the flush draw bluff in poker. Once she knows you are capable of the fake cry, she'll never forget it, and it's never going to work again. What about when you lose a few thousand dollars in the market? Or the casino, for that matter? What about when you forget a birthday or anniversary? Young men, I implore you not to use the fake cry frivolously. Beware its power and its ephemeral nature. Give the fake cry the respect it deserves and reserve it for those times when destiny forces you down the path of destruction and your only recourse is a salty charade.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sex, AIDS, and Morning Radio
There's a radio commercial that plays in my market that's supposed to make me feel concerned about getting tested for AIDS, I guess, but really only annoys and disturbs me. It goes as follows. Speaker One (Male) confesses that he suspected he had the virus even while he was having sex with his male partner, but didn't want to ruin the relationship, or whatever. Next, Speaker Two (Also Male), apparently Speaker One's partner, confesses that he caught it from Speaker One, but didn't want to tell his wife, because then he didn't know how. Speaker Three (Female) then says that she is now infected, because her husband, Speaker Two of course, never told her the truth. The kicker is that then the woman, who is by all accounts the only innocent party here, actually apologizes for the group, saying that she guesses they all should have been "a little more careful, and a lot less afraid." It bothers me that she's the one that apologizes, since, as far as I can tell, having monogamous, heterosexual intercourse with a spouse who is assumed to be faithful is about the safest sex one can ever have, and if not for the husband's adultery, neither he nor his wife would have contracted AIDS. Perhaps you can see why the commercial upsets me.
The point is that this commercial invariably comes on when I have the kids in the car, and I usually turn it down, because I'm never sure how much of it they might understand or be confused by it. This one particular time I didn't turn it down, because I was a bit preoccupied with morning traffic. So, of course, right after the commercial, my 10-year-old daughter, who's just learned about sexuality recently, starts asking questions.
Question 1: Why would they be so worried about getting AIDS? Aids is a good thing. Like when you get hurt at school, doesn't the teacher give you first aid?
Response: This is not aid, like "help," this is AIDS. It's a disease that can kill you if you get it, and there's no cure for it yet.
Question 2: How can it kill you?
Response: It takes away your ability to fight diseases until your body can't even get rid of a cold. If you even get a little sick, you would die.
Question 3: That's scary. How do you get it?
(Dad has to think about answering this one, but as they say, in for a penny, in for a pound.)
Response: Well ... it's a sexually transmitted disease, so you pretty much only get it by having sex with someone who has it.
Question 4: Oh. Wait ... then how could the guy get it from the other guy?
(This is the moment when I realize that I should have just turned it off.)
Response: Yeah, right? What is that about? That doesn't even make sense. This whole channel is stupid. Let's see what else is on.
I think she bought it, but I'm not sure.
The point is that this commercial invariably comes on when I have the kids in the car, and I usually turn it down, because I'm never sure how much of it they might understand or be confused by it. This one particular time I didn't turn it down, because I was a bit preoccupied with morning traffic. So, of course, right after the commercial, my 10-year-old daughter, who's just learned about sexuality recently, starts asking questions.
Question 1: Why would they be so worried about getting AIDS? Aids is a good thing. Like when you get hurt at school, doesn't the teacher give you first aid?
Response: This is not aid, like "help," this is AIDS. It's a disease that can kill you if you get it, and there's no cure for it yet.
Question 2: How can it kill you?
Response: It takes away your ability to fight diseases until your body can't even get rid of a cold. If you even get a little sick, you would die.
Question 3: That's scary. How do you get it?
(Dad has to think about answering this one, but as they say, in for a penny, in for a pound.)
Response: Well ... it's a sexually transmitted disease, so you pretty much only get it by having sex with someone who has it.
Question 4: Oh. Wait ... then how could the guy get it from the other guy?
(This is the moment when I realize that I should have just turned it off.)
Response: Yeah, right? What is that about? That doesn't even make sense. This whole channel is stupid. Let's see what else is on.
I think she bought it, but I'm not sure.
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