I've been on a very restful and very well-deserved vacation for the last two weeks, mostly in Marco Island, FL. It's a great place to visit near Naples - lots of boats and water sports, lots of beaches, very slow and relaxed town. I intentionally didn't take the computer with me, so that I wouldn't be tempted to do any work. Instead, if I got a good idea, I just made a note of it in my phone. So, lots of phone notes and lots of work to catch up on. Still, I'm always so grateful for time away from home and work, especially with the kids, because even when we don't do much, spending time together in a strange place brings out different sides of us, and we learn things about each other that we probably never would have seen otherwise. This trip in particular had taught me so much about my kids and myself that I feel he need to share some of them.
Top Ten Things I Learned on Summer Vacation:
1) My kids love the water. This is strange because I remember trying to teach them both how to swim about three years ago and how difficult it was to get them to even try. Now they want to go to the pool or the beach every day and stay until the sun goes down.
2) The kids do not like anything that floats on the water. Want to take a day cruise? No. Charter a sailboat? No. Rent a jet ski? Can we drive it? Probably not. Then no.
3) Movie theaters in Heaven will have dinner tables, full menus, and wait staff.
4) Do not get annoyed with your son when he makes some absent-minded mistake. God knows what you are thinking even if you try really hard not to let it show. If you do show even a hint of frustration, in less than five minutes, you will do something equally absent-minded but with infinitely greater consequence. (Full story will follow soon.)
5)Having a place with a kitchen means never having to wake up early or get dressed to get the kids breakfast. They prefer Froot Loops and Toaster Streudel anyway, and you're on vacation. Besides, they might just be old enough to fry a couple of eggs if you let them.
6) Sun block only works on the places where you put it. If you don't make sure you get complete area coverage, you just might end up with a ridiculous bright red swath of pain across the right side of your chest, making you look like you fell asleep under an umbrella with a rip in it, or maybe the biggest fan of the the Flash the world has ever seen.
7) If you take ten days off of exercise and eating right, you will gain approximately five pounds.
8) Out of all the exotic and interesting restaurants there are in tourist spots, your kids will still want to go to the franchise family joint like the one around the corner from their house. That or maybe McDonald's. Or order pizza.
9) If shopping is one of your vacation staples, I suggest giving the kids their own money to spend, rather than letting them beg you for things. First, they think forty or fifty dollars is a lot of money. Also, it's amazing to watch the same kids who would otherwise beg you for the most expensive thing in every store come away from a whole day of store-hopping and spending with three or four very well-planned and negotiated purchases, and almost ten dollars left over as well. (Example: Dad, are you going to buy those sunglasses? I'm thinking about it. Why? Because if you do, then I might buy this pair. Because they're all 'buy one get one half off'? Uh-huh.)
10) No matter how much fun you have or how great the location is, it always feels great to get back home.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
SDSF Ruins the Movies: Cars 2
Cars 2 is one of those movies that you won't hate if you have to take your kids to see it. You won't love it, especially if you didn't love the first film. It's a very different film from that one, not so much a moral tale as a spoof of spy movies, and it's not bad for what it is, but I wouldn't watch it again. There is actually an interesting plot twist to the spy plot, which I saw coming, but still thought was executed neatly. So instead of spoiling the end, I instead offer ten things that I find strange/creepy/ridiculous about the Cars universe. Maybe I shouldn't think this deeply about kids movies, but in some of them, I have to think about something.
1) Who services the cars when they break down?*
2) Why do the cars have handles? Or windows?
3) Why would a spy car need scuba gear?
4) What must the oil crisis in that universe be like, when every living being runs on a combustible engine?
5) So no humans ever, but there used to be dinosaurs?
6) How exactly do cars die? I could understand getting crushed or blown up, but how could a car ever just die of old age? Wouldn't you just keep replacing parts to keep it going? If not, then what kind of sick universe is this?
7) If they have car insurance, wouldn't everyone have to pay it, just to exist? Even the "animals"?
8) What exactly does a car do with a martini? Or sushi? In fact, what is the sushi made from? If the cows and bulls and bugs are vehicles, wouldn't the fish be too?
9) How do cars have babies? For that matter, how do cars make babies?
10) How could you use knockout gas on a car? Why not just disconnect the battery?
* My son actually gave an interesting answer for this one already. He said the cars have other cars or machines that can repair them. Then when I asked, "Well, who repairs those machines?" he said that they repair each other. That actually makes a lot of sense, but only in Cars-logic.
1) Who services the cars when they break down?*
2) Why do the cars have handles? Or windows?
3) Why would a spy car need scuba gear?
4) What must the oil crisis in that universe be like, when every living being runs on a combustible engine?
5) So no humans ever, but there used to be dinosaurs?
6) How exactly do cars die? I could understand getting crushed or blown up, but how could a car ever just die of old age? Wouldn't you just keep replacing parts to keep it going? If not, then what kind of sick universe is this?
7) If they have car insurance, wouldn't everyone have to pay it, just to exist? Even the "animals"?
8) What exactly does a car do with a martini? Or sushi? In fact, what is the sushi made from? If the cows and bulls and bugs are vehicles, wouldn't the fish be too?
9) How do cars have babies? For that matter, how do cars make babies?
10) How could you use knockout gas on a car? Why not just disconnect the battery?
* My son actually gave an interesting answer for this one already. He said the cars have other cars or machines that can repair them. Then when I asked, "Well, who repairs those machines?" he said that they repair each other. That actually makes a lot of sense, but only in Cars-logic.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Morantic
Word for the Day:
Morantic (Moh-ran'-tik)
1) Speech or action which is at the same time moronic and romantic
"I can't believe you drove all the way from Miami to Daytona and back to help out a woman you've only gone out with twice. That's so morantic!"
It's the kind of thing your friend does that you laugh at, but also kind of hope it works out well, because you secretly want to believe in love like this. But mostly just laugh at. If we're all honest with ourselves, we've all had morantic moments, times when we stepped, or sometimes strode, past the boundaries of common sense and social decorum in order to make a connection with someone or impress them. Some of us have travelled miles to meet someone, or spent money that we didn't have to get some time with someone. Some of us have sacrificed time with family or friends to waste it on someone who didn't care much about it. Some of us have even left work to change a tire for someone we've only been on two dates with, or pawned our television to take someone out to dinner.
The difference is that when we do it, we have perfectly good reasons, and great confidence that it will work out. When our friends do it, it is so obviously stupid that we can't understand how they can live with themselves, and seriously reconsider continuing a relationship with someone so stupid. Like the poet said, "O would some power the gift gie us, / To see ourselves as others see us." On the other hand, these lines were written by a guy who had a child by his mother's maid while also having twins with a woman who would have been his wife if her father had not forbidden it.
Morantic (Moh-ran'-tik)
1) Speech or action which is at the same time moronic and romantic
"I can't believe you drove all the way from Miami to Daytona and back to help out a woman you've only gone out with twice. That's so morantic!"
It's the kind of thing your friend does that you laugh at, but also kind of hope it works out well, because you secretly want to believe in love like this. But mostly just laugh at. If we're all honest with ourselves, we've all had morantic moments, times when we stepped, or sometimes strode, past the boundaries of common sense and social decorum in order to make a connection with someone or impress them. Some of us have travelled miles to meet someone, or spent money that we didn't have to get some time with someone. Some of us have sacrificed time with family or friends to waste it on someone who didn't care much about it. Some of us have even left work to change a tire for someone we've only been on two dates with, or pawned our television to take someone out to dinner.
The difference is that when we do it, we have perfectly good reasons, and great confidence that it will work out. When our friends do it, it is so obviously stupid that we can't understand how they can live with themselves, and seriously reconsider continuing a relationship with someone so stupid. Like the poet said, "O would some power the gift gie us, / To see ourselves as others see us." On the other hand, these lines were written by a guy who had a child by his mother's maid while also having twins with a woman who would have been his wife if her father had not forbidden it.
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