These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For

I took the kids with me to visit a couple of friends and church members who were in the hospital, and after our visit, the kids stopped at the water fountain while I went down the hall to call the elevator. When the doors opened, the craziest thing happened. A four foot tall robot came out that looked a lot like the walking trash can in the Jawa transport in Star Wars, except on wheels instead of legs.

Apparently, this thing delivers paperwork and medicine to the different floors of the hospital, and never, or at least I'm told, goes berserk and tries to kill anyone. That is, until today.

At first, I thought it was the coolest thing, a droid that takes the elevator by itself, and so I got out of its way and followed it down the hall a bit. I even tried to think of a prank to play on the kids as it rolled their way. Maybe I could walk alongside it and pretend to talk to it. I could even trick the kids into talking to it or something. Before I could narrow down the options enough, the thing plodded right at the kids, still by the water fountain. My daughter had finished first, and saw the robot coming. With both hands over her mouth, she started laughing hysterically at the machine weaving its way down the hall with a stack of files on its head. My son, on the other hand, was not as lucky.

He was still face down in the water fountain, which, let's face it, never has quite enough water pressure to be useful. Post-football-practice dehydration had kicked in already. When his sister tapped him on the shoulder, still giggling, he looked up just in time to see the droid just three feet away and coming right at him. He freaked a little, backed up a step and juked right, away from the wall, but the robot changed course and headed straight for him again. He side-stepped left, and the terminator changed course again. Seeing the frantic look on his face, I called out, "Just stand still, it'll pick you up on its sensors and avoid you."

I was so certain it had sensors.

He stood still, like I told him, I have to give him that, except that as the T-1000 bore down on him, he flattened himself against the wall more. The thing kept right at him, and he kept flattening and sliding down the wall, until it was squeezing him against the wall as it went by. He sucked in his gut and turned his head sideways, expecting the worst. But ED-209 kept grinding him into the wall, twisting and crushing him until his face and chest were pressed against the wall.

And then it simply moved on. It didn't seem to hold any malice. In fact, it went on completely unaffected by the experience, while my son, on the other hand, was bent over double and breathing hard with intense fear. The droid just went its way, delivering more files, dispensing more drugs, and terrorizing more children. My son, however, chose the stairs for the trip back down to lobby.