Word for the Day:
Nonpology (nahn-pah'-lo-jee)
1) A false apology used for rhetorical effect
2) A spiteful phrase made to look or sound like a real apology
"Not only did Fred crash my car, but then tried to make it seem like my fault and finally gave me a nonpology."
Have you ever been wronged by someone who then wanted to argue about whether or not the trespass was really wrong? Or perhaps, as a variation, while it was obviously wrong, that it was nonetheless deserved? The more you try to reason with such a person, the more their argument falls apart, until they are forced to accept the logic of your case and admit wrongdoing. When this happens, and they have no choice but to admit fault, they spit a sort of apology at you, something like "Fine, I'm sorry," or "Oh, pleeease forgive me," in that sarcastic tone that undermines the meaning of the words. That, friends, is a nonpology. A more subtle variation is "If I offended you, then I'm sorry," which is a conditional statement in nonpologese which translates to "I think you're just being a baby about this, but if saying this will shut you up, then I'll do it."
The origins of the nonpology are to this day unknown, but many historians and theologians believe that the first nonpology occurred in the Garden of Eden, directly after the fall, when Adam said to God, "My bad." Since then, the nonpology has been a very sneaky way of ending an argument or pacifying one's victim, while still attempting to maintain one's innocence. In fact, in many cases, the nonpology is actually used to make the victim feel guilty about protesting or pressing the issue, thereby making him or her a double victim, first of the offense, and secondly of the false sense of guilt brought on by a skillful nonpologizer.
Beware the nonpology, and do not accept it under any circumstances. Forgiveness may be our Christian duty, but stupidity and weakness are not. Forgive, by all means, even without apology when possible, but insist that all apologies be genuine and heartfelt. Accept no substitutes.
Ha. My favorite is when someone says something like, "I'm sorry you were hurt by that," like I had a couple of options on the table and then thought, "nah, I want to feel crappy right now, so I choose to be hurt." it certainly is an interesting lesson for the Christian, though, when the offending person only offers the "nonpology" or perhaps even nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. My favorite saying is "I'm sorry IF I offended you" when you know you were offensive. "Nonpology" will definitely be a part of my working vocabulary.
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