Pressure Cooker Kids

There seems to be a law of balance at work in the minds of kids after divorce. They seem to want things to be equal on both sides, no matter what the issue is. If one parent gets a house, they want the other to get a house. If one gets a dog, the other has to get a dog. I'm not sure why this is, but I think it has something to do with a general concern for both parents that causes them fear that one will be left behind. Or maybe they just like to make the most uncomfortable comments at the worst possible times. It just might be that, too.

So in my case it happens to be a pretty big issue, in that their mother is getting married very soon. This makes my daughter very concerned for my own love life. I'm pretty sure she speaks for her brother, but I don't know how often they talk about it. All I know is that on a regular basis, I get grilled with the most personal questions. When are you getting married? (Almost all questions have the emphasis on you.) Who are you going to marry? What are you doing about getting married? Why aren't you getting married now? These questions are sometimes accompanied by the more unintentionally abusive questions. Why don't you have a girlfriend? Do you need any help? Have you tried online dating? Did you know my teacher is single?

I'm having a hard time convincing her that I'm not in a rush to get married or get involved with someone. She doesn't seem to accept the fact that I'm working on the matter in ways that she won't see or know about until the right time comes, or that I'm actually enjoying dating right now, for the first time in fifteen years, and maybe for the first time in my life. I'm not even sure that she believes that I go on dates when she's not around. Somehow she's got it in her head that this is the kind of thing that happens overnight, perhaps because every Parent Trappish Disney/Nickelodeon movie always builds up to the moment the man and woman lock eyes or kiss, and then cuts to the wedding scene with the precocious little star as the flower girl. I think what I'll do is bring some strange woman home with some suitcases and tell them, "Meet your new step-mom!"

Yeah, that'll show her.